Are you looking to improve your marriage? Maybe you have read my marriage tips, and you and your spouse have taken the 5 Love Languages quiz, but you don’t know where to go from there? Is your spouse’s love language foreign to you, but you want to learn it? I will be happy to help you in speaking love to your spouse and fighting for your marriage!
Speaking love to your husband or wife doesn’t have to be difficult. It is simply a choice you make every day to make them a priority. Learning to speak their love language may take some time and practice, but will come!
Today I am writing to help those whose spouse feels the most loved when they receive your Words of Affirmation. These words can come in the form of text messages, hand written notes, or verbal communication. People with this love language will absolutely relish sincere compliments and encouragement. Hearing you brag on them to others will majorly fill their love tank! On the other hand, they will be terribly hurt by harsh criticism, sarcastic remarks about them, being lied to and being called names.
When learning to speak Words of Affirmation to your spouse, be mindful of your voice tone. You may have heard the saying “It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it” before. The way you communicate speaks just as loudly, if not louder, than the words themselves. For example, say your spouse shows you something they have been working hard on, like a car they have been doing body work on or a space they’ve been reorganizing. If you enthusiastically say “Wow, it looks great hun!” it will be received as love. However, if you use a bored tone of voice to say “Yeah, it looks great” you will have communicated that you don’t really care, which will make them feel unloved. In both instances you told them that it looks great. Your tone of voice, however, made a big difference in how the message was received.
Be aware of your body language too. Your body language works similarly to your voice tone. It helps others to interpret and receive what you are saying. A smile and relaxed arms will communicate something entirely different than crossed arms and a tight mouth. Even if the same words are being used.
Another important part of speaking love in the form of words is “but” sentences. When you use the word “but” in a sentence, it negates whatever was said before it. “But’s” can be used in a good way or in a bad way. For example, if you say “Your hair looks great today, but that top doesn’t fit you right” your spouse will only really hear the critique said after the “but”. You can use this principal to your advantage by saying something like, “I was having a really hard day, but you making me laugh has made me feel a lot better.” In this way, your husband or wife will hear your encouragement, making them feel loved and appreciated.
Lets look at what the Bible has to say about our words. The topic of words comes up quite a bit, so it must be important!
Proverbs 16:24 says “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.” How true that is for everyone, especially to someone whose love language is Words of Affirmation!
In Proverbs 25:11 King Solomon says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold In settings of silver.” This verse testifies to the high value speaking the right words.
Proverbs 18:21 tells us, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” We need to think before we speak! Are we speaking life or death to our spouse? Are we speaking love or hate to them? What kind of fruit are you eating? Again, this principle is important in any relationship, but especially when your other half feels love through words.
One last point I want to make is, be specific about the compliments and encouragement you give your spouse. It’s nice to say “Thank you for all you do for our family.” It is better to be specific and say things like “Thank you for setting aside special time to play with our kids.” or “I appreciate that you make dinner for us every night.”
If you are struggling to think of something to say to your spouse, it may help to keep a note pad with you or on your phone to take notes on. Any time your spouse does something you really like, write it down. Whenever you think of something you love about them, write it down. That way you have a running list of ideas to compliment them about.
If you need some more inspiration, here are some ways to speak Words of Affirmation to your spouse:
- Give them a set of “Open When” letters
- Leave a note in their lunch box
- Write on the bathroom mirror for them to find
- Stick a note on the steering wheel or mirror of their car
- Send a simple “I love you” text
- Post something to them on Facebook
- Let them hear you compliment them to their parents
- Text them an encouraging Bible verse
- Compliment the way they look, smell, etc before they leave in the morning
- Thank them for something they do for you
- Make a “Reasons I Love You” list, jar, or frame for them
- Leave a love letter on their pillow
- Sing them a love song
Do you have more ideas about how to speak Words of Affirmation to your spouse? How are you speaking love to them today? Share with me in the comments!