Bible/ Devotion Married Life

Speaking Love to your Spouse – Words of Affirmation

Are you looking to improve your marriage? Maybe you have read my marriage tips, and you and your spouse have taken the 5 Love Languages quiz, but you don’t know where to go from there? Is your spouse’s love language foreign to you, but you want to learn it? I will be happy to help you in speaking love to your spouse and fighting for your marriage!

Speaking love to your husband or wife doesn’t have to be difficult. It is simply a choice you make every day to make them a priority. Learning to speak their love language may take some time and practice, but will come!

Today I am writing to help those whose spouse feels the most loved when they receive your Words of Affirmation. These words can come in the form of text messages, hand written notes, or verbal communication. People with this love language will absolutely relish sincere compliments and encouragement. Hearing you brag on them to others will majorly fill their love tank! On the other hand, they will be terribly hurt by harsh criticism, sarcastic remarks about them, being lied to and being called names.

Are you filling your spouse’s love tank?

When learning to speak Words of Affirmation to your spouse, be mindful of your voice tone. You may have heard the saying “It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it” before. The way you communicate speaks just as loudly, if not louder, than the words themselves. For example, say your spouse shows you something they have been working hard on, like a car they have been doing body work on or a space they’ve been reorganizing. If you enthusiastically say “Wow, it looks great hun!” it will be received as love. However, if you use a bored tone of voice to say “Yeah, it looks great” you will have communicated that you don’t really care, which will make them feel unloved. In both instances you told them that it looks great. Your tone of voice, however, made a big difference in how the message was received.

Be aware of your body language too. Your body language works similarly to your voice tone. It helps others to interpret and receive what you are saying. A smile and relaxed arms will communicate something entirely different than crossed arms and a tight mouth. Even if the same words are being used.

Another important part of speaking love in the form of words is “but” sentences. When you use the word “but” in a sentence, it negates whatever was said before it. “But’s” can be used in a good way or in a bad way. For example, if you say “Your hair looks great today, but that top doesn’t fit you right” your spouse will only really hear the critique said after the “but”. You can use this principal to your advantage by saying something like, “I was having a really hard day, but you making me laugh has made me feel a lot better.” In this way, your husband or wife will hear your encouragement, making them feel loved and appreciated.

Lets look at what the Bible has to say about our words. The topic of words comes up quite a bit, so it must be important!

Proverbs 16:24 says “Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.” How true that is for everyone, especially to someone whose love language is Words of Affirmation!

In Proverbs 25:11 King Solomon says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold In settings of silver.” This verse testifies to the high value speaking the right words.

Proverbs 18:21 tells us, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” We need to think before we speak! Are we speaking life or death to our spouse? Are we speaking love or hate to them? What kind of fruit are you eating? Again, this principle is important in any relationship, but especially when your other half feels love through words.

One last point I want to make is, be specific about the compliments and encouragement you give your spouse. It’s nice to say “Thank you for all you do for our family.” It is better to be specific and say things like “Thank you for setting aside special time to play with our kids.” or “I appreciate that you make dinner for us every night.”

If you are struggling to think of something to say to your spouse, it may help to keep a note pad with you or on your phone to take notes on. Any time your spouse does something you really like, write it down. Whenever you think of something you love about them, write it down. That way you have a running list of ideas to compliment them about.

If you need some more inspiration, here are some ways to speak Words of Affirmation to your spouse:

  • Give them a set of “Open When” letters
  • Leave a note in their lunch box
  • Write on the bathroom mirror for them to find
  • Stick a note on the steering wheel or mirror of their car
  • Send a simple “I love you” text
  • Post something to them on Facebook
  • Let them hear you compliment them to their parents
  • Text them an encouraging Bible verse
  • Compliment the way they look, smell, etc before they leave in the morning
  • Thank them for something they do for you
  • Make a “Reasons I Love You” list, jar, or frame for them
  • Leave a love letter on their pillow
  • Sing them a love song

Do you have more ideas about how to speak Words of Affirmation to your spouse? How are you speaking love to them today? Share with me in the comments!

Or, if Words of Affirmation isn’t your spouse’s language, learn more about the others on these posts: Quality Time, Physical Touch, Gifts and Acts of Service!

15 thoughts on “Speaking Love to your Spouse – Words of Affirmation

  1. This is such an amazing article. My husband’s love language is words of affirmation and I am trying to do a better job showing I love and appreciate him! I can’t wait to try some of these suggestions 🙂

  2. I love this, Jennifer! Speaking words of affirmation is very low on my love language list, so it’s something I’m consciously trying to work on. I love your point about “but” sentences. I have had conversations with my husband about how if someone compliments him and then includes a but, all he hears is the last, more negative part of that sentence. Thanks for pointing that out!

  3. My husband and I have been married for over 39 years and we grow more in love everyday. We are so disturbed when we hear spouses talking bad about each other. Yesterday, at a store, a man kept joking about his awful wife and then, he would laugh. Yet, he went on to tell how they had been married for over 41 years. Instead of putting her down, he should have been lifting her up. 🙂 She probably had stories about him, too. None of us are perfect. I do enjoy telling my husband how proud I am of him and how thankful I am for him and how he cares for his family. His love for God and others shines through in His words and actions. My husband lets me know how deeply he cares for me, too.

  4. Great advice on how to share words of affirmation. The study of our 5 love languages really helps improve marriages. I hope you share other blogs on how to show love within the other languages.

    1. Thank you, Yvonne! I do have posts about the other languages as well! Just click on the highlighted “Acts of Service”, “Gifts”, etc links in the text to find the others. I hope you enjoy them just as much as this post 🙂

    1. Thank you Stephanie! I made my husband a set of “Open When” letters for Christmas one year. Come to find out later, words were not his primary love language! He still enjoyed them though haha!

  5. So, so good, Jennifer. We often need reminding about how intentional our words of affirmation must be. The tone of voice, our body language, and watching that little three-letter-word “but,” all play a role in how well we love our spouse in this way. And I like how you mention the sincerity of what we say. All the words in the world won’t matter if our heart motive is not up to par. Thanks!

  6. Hey, Jennifer. I had to read and comment on the QT post as well. Basically you read my mail on this one. I’m totally an affirmation person. When my wife brags on me it makes my day. When she sends me notes that are unsolicited, I can live off that for weeks. I’m so glad you took the time to study affirmation people. Maybe you are one, but you nailed it. Thanks for the encouragement!

    1. Hi Chip! I’m so glad you enjoyed my posts, and that they resonated with you! I am actually a QT/ Touch person. I do have several people in my life who are words people, including one of my children!

  7. Dear Jennifer!

    Thanks for sharing.

    A healthy marriage is fundamental for a good family-life.

    Thanks for giving us the reminder of the importance of affirmations on our marriages.

    That’s a great list of suggestions on how to improve on this area!

    Blessings!
    Edna Davidsen

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