Last time I wrote about marriage I talked about speaking love to a spouse whose love language is Words of Affirmation. But what about the other languages, you ask? Today I will continue to help husbands and wives love their other halves well by getting into the language of Quality Time!
Someone whose love language is quality time may come off as clingy and needy in regard to spending time with you. They will want your attention often and will say things like “I miss you every second we’re apart” or “I wish I could be with you every moment of every day.” It mat seem cheesy, but they really do feel that way! Spending time with you is how they express love, and how they feel the most loved by you. If, however, you often cancel plans, choose to work long hours and not make time for them, or not give them your undivided attention when you are together, a spouse with this love language will feel rejected and unloved.
Quality Time can take many forms. Some spouses will enjoy quality time in different ways than others, so it is important to ask them about it. What do they like to do together with you? What activities do they want to share with you? You may think it makes it less romantic to ask them what makes them feel loved, but it really is a necessity if you’re wanting to make them happy and feel loved. You are not a mind reader! And asking them shows that you are making an effort and that you want to make them feel loved.
One thing that makes the time with your spouse “quality time” is giving them your full attention. When you are distracted by your electronics, your kids, or anything else, it takes away from the quality of your time together. Nobody likes to try and have a conversation with someone while they are giving their phone most of their attention.
Doing something together is good, because you are mainly focusing your attention on the other person. You may be doing a puzzle together, but you are talking and enjoying their company too.
Another important aspect of quality time is being there for them. When a family member passes away, be there to support them. If they receive a hard earned promotion, be there to celebrate with them! Your presence shows them you care.
Does the Bible have anything to say about quality time? I didn’t find anything directly relating to time husbands and wives spend together, but there are a couple verses I want to share with you about spending time with others in general.
Proverbs 27:17 (NKJV) says “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.” According to vocabulary.com, the word countenance in English comes from a French word meaning “behavior.” So being with other people can change the way you behave in life. I assume that this can be for good or for bad depending on the influencer. So if you have a good godly spouse, and if you are a good godly spouse, spending time together will challenge you both for the better!
This next verse is often quoted at weddings, and for a good reason! Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NKJV) says, “Two are better then one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” This speaks to being together as a team, facing the world together and helping each other. You can’t lift each other up without spending time together! Quality Time is important in any relationship! But all the more if your spouse feels love in this way.
If you are looking for more ideas for ways to show them the love, here are some of my suggestions:
- Set aside at least 30 minutes each night to give them your full attention
- Invite them to help you with something you need to do
- Join them in doing something they need to do
- Plan a surprise date night
- Ask them about what they have been reading in the Bible, and really listen
- Work on a project together, like painting your home or planting a garden
- Have fun doing something you both enjoy
- Experience something new together
- Pray together
- Call them just to check in and tell them you miss them
- Read together
- Get up before the kids and have breakfast together
- Exercise together
Do you have any other tips to share about speaking love through Quality Time to your mate? Which of these ideas spoke to your situation the most? Let me know in the comments!