Would you describe your spouse as “touchy-feely”? Do they often want to hold your hand, sit close to you, or kiss you? If you can say yes to most or all of these, then your spouse’s love language might be Physical Touch!
Someone whose love language is Physical Touch may come off as physically clingy or needy. It’s not that they don’t understand personal space. The fact is they care about you so much that they want to include you into their personal space! They are showing their love to you by touching you, and they feel the most love when you touch them back. On the other hand, rejecting their attempts to touch you or refusing to touch them lovingly is hurtful to them. To intentionally physically harm them is absolutely devastating.
Sex is important in any marriage relationship, but especially so if at least one of you feel love primarily through touch. The level of emotional and physical intimacy sex brings a couple is all the more satisfying to those who feel love through touch. However, it’s not all about the sex. Any touch that feels good to them will fill up their love tank. What feels good to one person may not to another, so be sure to ask your spouse what they like and what they don’t like. For example, one may love to be tickled and wrestle, while the same really bothers someone else.
Let’s dig into what the Bible says about touch inside of marriage!
1 Corinthians 7:5 says, “Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self control.” Paul is referring to sex here. He is telling married couples not to deprive each other of sex for a prolonged period of time. This is not to say you can’t tell your spouse no sometimes, because you are sick or in pain or exhausted. Just that no should not be your default answer. It should not even be a common answer. All marriage relationships need it to thrive, and many spouses need it to feel loved.
Song of Solomon is a whole book of the Bible written about romantic love. There are several references to touch, including chapter 1 verse 2. It says, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth- for your love is better than wine.” It leads me to believe that showing love through Physical Touch is very important to a marriage.
Is the way you tend to touch your spouse getting boring, though? Do you always do the same thing, and want to try to mix it up? Here are some ideas you could try, if it’s something your spouse would enjoy.
- Play with their hair.
- Massage their feet, neck or shoulders.
- Kiss their eyelids, hand, or shoulder.
- Make sure your feet are touching theirs while in bed or sitting together.
- Give them a surprise hug from behind.
- Touch their arm or cheek while talking to them.
- Hold hands and rub their thumb with yours.
- Greet them or say goodbye with a kiss.
- If you feel playful, blindfold them and then kiss or tickle them in different places. Not knowing what you’re going to do next is exciting!
- When having sex, try a new position.
This is obviously not an exhaustive list, but you get the idea. Is there something (PG) that you would add to this list? Tell us all in the comments!
Are you actually looking for a different love language? Check out my posts about Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts and Acts of Service! If you need more help to improve your marriage, try some of my tips here!