We’ve finally made it to the end of our journey through the 5 love languages! So far I have covered Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, and Physical Touch. This time I will be getting into Acts of Service.
There is a reason I am writing about this love language last. If I were to rank them in order of how I personally feel loved, this one would be #5. I tend to see service more as a duty than an act of love. However, it turns out that Mr. King’s primary love language is Acts of Service! If you’ve read my 7 Tips post, you know that this misunderstanding caused a lot of issues in our marriage previously. I have had to put a lot of effort in to learn how to speak this language, so I will be sharing quite a bit from my experiences today!
Someone whose primary love language is Acts of Service may come off as being a workaholic! They want to work to provide well for their family, they want to do things at home to show you they love you, they will be gone helping friends move or paint their house, and so on. They are on the go a lot, and it may seem that they are a busy body or that they don’t want to be home. But the truth is, they are showing love by doing these things. They love you, so they work on things around the house. They care about their friends, so they serve and help them.
The one whose feels love through acts of service will be offended when someone makes more work for them. They will feel like you don’t care about what they do for you, and therefore don’t care about them. He or she will also be hurt if you don’t do something for them here and there. You don’t have to prove your love by working your tail off all day every day. Just like you wouldn’t be expected to give your spouse a gift every day. But if you rarely or never serve them it makes them feel unloved.
Another point I want to make is, watch the attitude you have while you are serving your spouse. If you do something for them, but complain about it or do it begrudgingly, its not an act of love. On the other hand, if you do it with joy for the opportunity to love on them, they will feel that from you.
Does the Bible have anything to say about serving others? Yes! A lot actually! I could write a book about just the topic of serving alone, but for the sake of keeping this readable in one sitting I will only be pointing out a couple scriptures.
Galatians 5:13 tells us what attitude we should have while we serve. “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.” So when you serve anyone, but especially your spouse, you should do so with a humble and loving attitude.
Mark 10:45 says “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” All through the Gospels we read about Jesus serving the people. He healed, He fed, He taught, He washed his disciples feet. Since, then, we are called to be like Jesus (1 John 2:6), we should be serving others, starting with our spouse. Our spouses are supposed to be a high priority in our life, second only to God.
Now we’ve covered the “why” of Acts of Service, but what about the “how?” I know I sometimes need fresh ideas for ways to serve my husband. Here are some ideas I came up with.
- Bring them something to drink while they are working outside. Some hot cocoa in the winter or ice water in the summer!
- Do one of their usual chores for them. Bonus points for one they really hate doing!
- Make their favorite meal.
- Help them with one of their projects or chores.
- Let them sleep in.
- Clean out and wash their car.
- Massage their sore muscles.
- Make phone calls or run errands for them they just haven’t had time to do.
- Pack their lunch for work.
- Bring a special treat in to their work place for them and their coworkers.
- Do their laundry.
- Cut their hair, or make a hair appointment for them.
- Start their bath or shower for them.
- Start their car for them on a cold snowy day. Clean it off for them too!
- Serve someone else with them. For example, if they are fixing something at their mom’s house, or making a meal for a friend who had a baby, go along and help!
- Untangle a necklace chain, Christmas lights, or other mess for them.
- Let them know you appreciate all the ways they serve you.
- Make a coupon book full of tasks you can complete for them. Leave a couple blank for them to fill in!
- If they ask you to do something, do it without complaining! They are giving you ideas on how to love them!
Do you have anything you would like to add to this list? What would you want done for you as an act of love and service? Let us know in the comments!