Know Your Place Marriage Advice
Married Life

Know your place! Marriage Advice for Young Couples

Yesterday @FierceMarriage on Twitter posted a question that got me thinking. They asked, “If you could give a young engaged couple some words of advice for their upcoming marriage, what would you say?” I did reply, and you can read that reply here, but I wanted to expand on what I wrote and speak to you about it. In order to have a successful marriage, you need to know your place!

Every husband and every wife needs to know their place in their marriage, and to stay there. If either one of both of them step out of that place, or are removed from that place by their spouse, the marriage will suffer. The marriage relationship, along with many other roles and relationships in life, will fall apart. There needs to be order in the family unit for it to function properly. The marriage relationship will bring strife rather than joy. Children raised with that marriage as an example will go into their own marriages with confusion and poor habits. That couple’s influence on other young couples will be a stumbling block for them. In short, bad things happen when a husband and wife don’t know their places in the marriage.

What are their places you ask? No, I’m not going into the wife at home vs working wife discussion. Submission is a topic for another post. I’m talking about how a couple needs to know their places as far as priority and influence in each other’s life!

Know Your Place in Marriage - Minding the Kings

Not Too Elevated

A husband or a wife should not take too elevated of a place for themselves in their marriage. One member of a couple should not view the other too highly either. Neither of them are God! Nobody should treat their spouse as if they were God. Neither should they act as if they are their spouse’s God. Only God can be God! God is perfect, He deserves to be worshiped, is unchanging and all-knowing. We are not. Our spouses are not.

To avoid taking that place in the marriage, spouses need to encourage each other to take time with the Lord. Protect each other’s Bible reading and prayer time. It may take sacrificing some of their together time. However, if a couple puts their marriage ahead of their relationships with the Lord, it throws everything else in their lives out of whack.

Likewise, no one  should make their spouse into an idol. It’s not their job to fulfill every need. They cannot live up to that expectation. A spouse’s place is not up on a pedestal to be fawned over and bowed down to. One party is not a slave with the other being their master.

Know Your Place Marriage Advice Couple at Sunset

Not Too Lowly

Spouses should be careful not to think to little of their other half either. Putting work, children, or other family members ahead of each other is not healthy for the marriage either.

To make sure the marriage is made a priority over other things, a couple needs to make sure they are getting time together. Never cancel plans to take optional overtime at work. Put the kids to bed early or leave them with a babysitter, and tell them why! It sets a good example for them to see spouses choosing each other. If any family member says something rude about their other half, a spouse should defend them, and even make a point to speak well of them. Doing these types of things keeps your spouse in the proper place in your marriage.

Just the Right Place

The right place for a couple to be in each other’s lives is on equal ground. They should be priority above everything else, second only to God. When spouses know their place, and stay there in their own eyes as well as their spouse’s eyes, the marriage flourishes. The couple sets a good example for their children and other couples they are in contact with. They find joy in their relationship and their expectations are reasonable. The marriage will not be a slave and master relationship, but a relationship like the one Jesus has with His people (Ephesians 5:24-26).

Now that you know your place in your marriage, how do you plan to make sure you stay there? Do you need to re-evaluate how you see your spouse? Do you need prayer for your marriage? Feel free to share in the comments or to email me personally at!

11 thoughts on “Know your place! Marriage Advice for Young Couples

  1. My husband and I have been married for over 39 years. Many lessons have been learned along the way. One very important lesson we have learned is to listen before speaking. Every thought doesn’t need to be spoken. Prayer and putting God first in our lives is key.

  2. My husband and I have been married for 34 years now. This blog provides some good advice for newlyweds. Communication is key. Talk even when you don’t feel like it. And find things in common to do together.

  3. Thank you Jennifer for this very helpful wisdom. From the guy’s point of view having been married 27 years, as we try to implement the 3 items you listed, communication and sacrifice (grace) are critical. It’s so easy for guys to think they are doing everything right, and gals to feel like guys should know what they’re thinking.

    1. You’re welcome! I can totally relate to what you said about gals feeling like their guy should know what they’re thinking. I have to remind myself at times that my husband is not a mind reader and I need to communicate with him!

  4. Hi Jennifer, thanks for the godly and wise advice! I sometimes make the mistake of treating my daughter better than my wife – like showing more affection, showering more kisses, etc. That’s prioritizing my child over my wife and I realize it’s an easy mistake to make. Truly, marriage is not something restful all the time – at times you have to consciously pray about it to have a Christ-like marriage life!

    1. You’re welcome Milton! I think that is the most common mistake, to end up putting children ahead of the spouse. I’ve made that mistake myself more times than I would like to admit. We all need to remember that if we make the children the center of our world, they may grow up thinking they are the center of the whole world! Putting our spouse ahead of them models the correct family structure and keeps them from being self centered.

  5. Dear Jennifer!

    I like your advice about knowing our place in order to have a successful marriage.

    For my husband and I, mutual respect has been the key to what we perceive as a strong and healthy marriage, which I also read in your sentence here: “The right place for a couple to be in in each other’s lives is on equal ground.”

    It’s essential that someone delivers content about this topic since the divorce-rate (also among Christians) is skyrocketing.
    Edna Davidsen

  6. The Golden Mean in marriage–finding just the right place to hold ourselves, our beloved, and our children–most especially, God. Problems happen when people get out of place. Great post.

  7. I have read a lot of blogs with a lot of marriage advice over the years. I think its important to remember that every marriage is unique and has it’s own share of challenges. But I love your point about spending time with Jesus. We have to seek Him first. He is what keeps me from putting unrealistic expectations on my husband.

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